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Joke of the Day

"Its important you remember that unprotected phone sex........"

"What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen? Rats!"

"sometimes to end a text convo thats going on too long u gotta break out the big guns and say you're going to bed. at 2:30 in the afternoon."

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word, ""unionized""."

"How can you tell that God is a man, and not a woman? If God were a woman, she would have made semen taste like chocolate!"

"1 out of 5 dentists just likes being a dick."

"I dreamed I was floating in an ocean of soda, but when I awoke I realized it was just a Fanta Sea."

"Which kitchen appliance tells the best jokes? The beater - he cracks everybody up!"

"If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend"

"Why does an octopus have 8 tentacles instead of 6? (OC) Because even god thinks ""Sextapus"" sounds ridiculous. (Note: For purposes of this joke, god both exists, and prefers latin.)"