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Joke of the Day

"In his new book of poems, John Ashbery rhymes ""coagulate"" with ""indeed."" It's like he's not even trying."

"If those Amazon drones can really get to your house in 30 minutes then condoms are about to become their #1 selling item."

"What would you have if all autos in the US were painted pink? A Pink Car Nation!"

"a serial killer that strangles victims with fruit by foot and eats the murder weapon afterwards"

"3YO: ""How do babies get out of bellies?"" ME: ""Look! Ice cream!"" *5 min later* 3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: ""How do babies get out of be---"""

"Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?"

"How to you call midget intercourse ? Microtransaction"

"If April showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring? Hundreds of years of disease and genocide."

"Fishy Technology What type of phones do fish use? . . . *Shellular*, of course..."

"Sorry I dropped your baby and tried to catch it with my foot."