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Joke of the Day
"[NSFW] What do snakes and condoms have in common? I don't fuck with either of them."
Next Joke
"What do you call a sharp witted man, that knows many languages, and is skilled at giving oral? A cunning linguist."
"Did you know: the average American spends 8,000 years of their life refilling Brita water pitchers."
"What do you call a metrically inclined elderly assassin? A Killograndma."
"""Hey babe, you smell that?"" ""No."" ""Me neither, start cooking."
"What do a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal"
"What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths? A running gag."
"[girl's night out] WIFE: I'm off then ME: Okay WIFE: Don't do anything obtuse ME: Pfft - give me a break! {5 min later} ME *googling obtuse*"
"An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back."
"I've been told that I'm very condescending That means I talk down to people"