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Joke of the Day

"""Hey babe, you smell that?"" ""No."" ""Me neither, start cooking."

"[god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know"

"Germany Q1: What would Germany be called had they not surrendered at the end of WW2 ? A1: Gerfew Q2: What would Germany be called if the issue in Q1 happened before the holocaust? A2: Jewmany"

"Whats the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fell out of a window"

"What is the difference between a teacher and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four..."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were playing chess... The comedy practically writes itself."

"What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app? Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area."

"So a mexican says... Fuck weed, Legalize my mom."

"I worry my life exists only so an angel can show the successful me from an alternate universe a vision of how much worse it could have been."

"Don't you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That's why I do it."