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Joke of the Day

"Empty out and clean a mace container. Fill with water Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink"

"I would have fucking loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from."

"I saw a black guy riding a bike... At first I thought it was mine, then I realized mine is at home, washing the dishes."

"If McDonalds sold hot dogs would you be able to (w/ a straight face) order a McWeiner and tell them to supersize it?"

"Everyone complains about immigration until they're searching the city for a decent taco."

"What's the big deal with the Dog Whisperer? My dog whispers all the time! ""Kill for me,"" he rasps."

"I'm currently on two different diets Because with just one I'm always hungry"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar bartender says...""Hey, we have a drink named after you."" Grasshopper says ""You have a drink named Jeff?"". budum pshhhh."

"Today, the tree my family planted 15 years ago died and had to be cut down. I'm mourning wood."

"""I guess I didn't get my birthday wish."" ""How do you know?"" ""You're still here!"""