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Joke of the Day

"Today, the tree my family planted 15 years ago died and had to be cut down. I'm mourning wood."

"Islamophobia is a lot like acrophobia ... understandable to an extent."

"my son would be amazed if I showed him a first generation iPod because we've never met"

"Why do some people cough alot? Because they drink to much coughee."

"Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?"

"If they grew up in the same house and shared a pet, siblings have the same porn name and I think that's just SICK."

"Divorce is when you tell someone: Hey I know you better than anyone else on Earth and I'm gonna take a pass"

"I don't celebrate Valentine's Day ever since I took a girl out for heart shaped pizza and I realized it was smaller than normal pizza."

"Parents: What foreign language class are you taking this year? Me: Math."

"DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person? DOG: Cat person, definitely."