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Joke of the Day

"Husband: So we've basically given up. Me: On what? H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting."

"Where do you send hyperactive jewish children for summer vacation? Concentration camp."

"Today I spanked the wrong woman at BDSM party Oops, wrong sub"

"My girlfriend tells me her body is a temple Everyone's welcome, but you just have to take your shoes off before you enter."

"CW: Why don't you ever wear your hair down? Me: It makes me look approachable. CW: So? Me: I don't want to encourage that."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist insomniac? He was up all night wondering if there was a dog"

"Why was Jesus not born in Australia? Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin."

"Men: The Only creature blessed with the superpowers to make Any machine a smoke machine in kitchen especially when his wife isn't home."

"Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player? He kept trying to tune her G string."

"On the bright side, smoking cigarettes reduces the risk of winning a marathon."