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Joke of the Day

"My wife moans at me to say I did' instead of I done' because it's not proper grammar. Easier said than did."

"A police man pulled me over and said ""papers"". So I said ""Scissors! I win"" and drove off"

"What did the runaway melon say to the honeydew on Valentine's Day? I cantaloupe."

"People think having crabs is a bad thing. Still, at least something's sucking my cock."

"Life is like a penis... Long, simple, and relaxed. It's the women that make it hard."

"Nothing worse than taking a run and then having to take a shit when your a mile & a half away from ur bathroom. I almost shitted in a bush"

"""Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes"" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no."

"A little boy says ""dad I've heard in some parts of africa a man doesn't know his wife until marriage. The dad says...... ""Son that happens everywhere."""

"What did the lizard get at home depot? Reptile."

"Before my father kicked the bucket he asked me the most profound question... He said ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""