166432

Joke of the Day

"I assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late."

"(Writing in food journal) me: for lunch I had sa......... trainer: (interrupting) salad. awesome. me: sake."

"What do you call a chinese poker face? A mahjong face"

"I started working for a company that made hinges It really opened a lot of doors for me"

"She asked if I wanted to eat ass... I said no because it'll taste like shit"

"Vine is shutting down I might actually make more in a year than a vine star does in a week."

"My uncle was a weird man...Artificial Legs.... Real feet"

"There are 30 cows and twenty eight chickens... How many didn't? Better told in person."

"I offered my Muslim girlfriend a bite of my gorilla sandwich but she shook her head and said... ""That's haram, bae."""

"Why did Loki want the tesseract? to get rid of his tesserection"