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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea told it not to."

"(Possible trigger) I wanted to smoke a joint with some Mexicans today.. I asked if anybody had papers and they all ran."

"Was chopping herbs and got some in my eye now im parsley sighted"

"Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period."

"Husband: I'm going to take kids to do something fun today so you can relax. Me: sounds awesome! H: Will you get them ready for me?"

"I used to be in a band called The Prevention. We weren't great. But we were better than The Cure."

"Guy at the Apple store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying."

"Miley Cyrus is a strictly american phenomenon... most everywhere else in the world, she'd be Kilometery Cyrus"

"When David shot Goliath, there was a giant thunderstorm. He was just slinging in the rain."

"I can't remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals... fucking livid"