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Joke of the Day

"I once went to an open air Queen concert. There was a terrible electrical storm during the performance. Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening."

"[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? ""No"" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!"

"How do dogs own cats? bitches have pussies"

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person."

"What did they say to the doctor that wanted to sew his own stitches? ""Suture self!"""

"I don't get how people still get attacked by sharks. DON'T THEY HEAR THE MUSIC?"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !"

"You know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children? Because he only comes once a year and that's down a chimney."

"There are two rules for success... 1. Never reveal everything that you know."

"I like my women like I like my coffee In a cup"