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Joke of the Day

"Symptoms of mental illness: -Hearing voices -Hallucinating -Complaining about how other people use their social media accounts"

"Some things you recycle, some you throw away. For example: Paper & plastic you recycle. Opportunities, love and your future you throw away."

"THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree"

"Do you know what's the best thing about necrophilia? You don't have to bring flowers... Usually they're already there."

"Little Known Fact: Bon Jovi has five brothers: Bon Joi, Bon Joii, Bon Joiii, Bon Joiv and Bon Jov"

"Why are there rugs in front of the stove and the sink? So women know where to stand in the kitchen."

"So my friend is dating twins... ...And I said, ""Isn't it hard to tell them appart?"" He replied with, ""Well not really, the brother has a moustache."""

"Took my wife to the doctor today, to try and get her tourettes sorted Turns out that she doesn't have it, and I am actually a cunt and she wants me to fuck off"

"I hate when someone sneaks up in front of you when you're scrolling on your phone"

"You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once."