166229

Joke of the Day

"My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Why?' To get to the idiots house! (Immediately follow up with this) Knock knock 'Who's there?' A chicken!"

"I put a life-size alien doll in my passenger seat for halloween and I've caught myself talking to it 3 times"

"What's the difference between the G-Spot and a Golf Ball? A guy will actually spend time searching for a Golf Ball."

"Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?"

"There something bugging me. I've encountered this object many times over in the streets lately. Every way I turn I see Weed.... les"

"I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish."

"Portland is on fire and the nearest Trump voter is 300 miles away. Democrats have a terrible ground game."

"Where's the best place in Toronto to check out girls? *Broadview*"

"Remember, if you gently caress a State Trooper's cheek they gotta let you go without a ticket."