166083

Joke of the Day

"these days it seems like all the talented promisimg sandwich artists work for Subway, churning out the same lifeless corporate sandwibch art"

"Did you hear how Mexico announced it's solving their country's housing crisis? The Mexican government has decided to build apartment"

"Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices"

"The worst part of this election... ...isn't that Donald Trump won, but that fucking Amy Schumer is reneging on her promise to leave the country."

"A vegan in the woods. If a vegan is alone in the woods with nobody to tell, are they still a vegan?"

"What do you call a night watchman with deep-set self-esteem issues? An insecurity guard "

"Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?"

"What do you call a pachyderm that doesn't matter? Irrelephant."

"The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*"

"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After that, he went downhill very quickly."