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Joke of the Day
"Asians are so good at math... ... they can do it with their eyes closed."
Next Joke
"Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense."
"If you plan a surprise party for me, I'll freak out that you mixed friends from all the separate facets of my life, and start killing people"
"How do you piss off a feminist? Done."
"""You only want my daughter for one thing!"" yelled my girlfriend's mother. ""That's your fault for not teaching her to cook,"" I said."
"her: what r u doing? me: taking a photo of a glass of tap water on snapchat & see if they have- her: oh god me:-a water filter."
"Daddy! Tell me a story.. The Tooth Fairy is really a wicked witch, who takes all your teeth if you sleep with your mouth open. Good night."
"""Why Isn't The Media Covering This?"" the media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media."
"Two nuts were walking down a street... One was assaulted"
"My wife must be the slowest reader ever. I bought her a Kindle last Christmas and she still hasn't finished it."