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Joke of the Day

"My friend asked me why I act so insecure when he would talk to my girlfriend. I don't remember what my answer was, but their son Malcolm turns two next month."

Next Joke
 
"Your crush likes your status and you start to imagine life together!"
"I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey."
"What do you call a fish with three eyes? fiiish. (works when spoken :-/)"
"The best way to eat a salad is to order a pizza instead."
"Really wish ""Forever 21"" would be honest and change name to ""Pushing 30"""
"A black man walks into the doctors with a fancy parrot in his shoulder The doctor says ""what a magnificent creature, where did you get that?"" The parrot replies ""Africa there's millions of them"""
"Why Can't You Play UNO With Mexicans? They keep stealing the goddamn green cards."
"She's like a cat. I don't mean in bed, she just ignores me"
"Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of ""how long can I go without dropping it."" Same thing with babies."