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Joke of the Day

"Ey gurl, are you a TSA agent? Because I've got an unattended package I think you should investigate."

"BREAKING NEWS: Deflated toothpaste tube found in Brady's locker! I wonder how Tom and Patriots will react to Colegate..."

"What does a jewish pedophile say to a kid Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?"

"My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn't even know she sold them."

"You know how you can tell that your wife is a slob? When you go to piss in the sink and it's still full of dirty dishes"

"I might have Alzheimer's... ...but at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

"I bet when slutty girls get cremated instead of ashes the family just gets an urn full of glitter."

"Crabs A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers? Math hue."

"Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive."