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Joke of the Day

"Can't live without your coffee? Tweet about it!"

"I love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day."

"My Grandpa has the heart of a Lion... And a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo"

"What do you call a wandering caveman? A Meanderthal I'll go now."

"Why did Mickey leave Minnie? Because she was fucking goofy."

"Epic Tragedy Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be? Because the dimes (times) have changed."

"""Pay attention, 007; this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."""

"Hey man, your mom is like snack... Free-to-lay... I don't know..."

"Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud."