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Joke of the Day

"Like a hooker at a truck stop, Twitter goes down every Friday."

"Just ate my last pair of edible undies, I guess it's time to get groceries."

"I gave two pints of blood at the hospital. You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like... Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?"

"What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants? A dire rhetoric."

"Mexican Olympics Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team? Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US."

"""God's last name is not Dammit."" Unknown"

"You know what's worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it."

"Why couldn't the expert fisherman get any dates? Because he said he was a master baiter."

"Don't make school shooting jokes. You can't imagine what went through their heads in their final moments."

"Macbeth Joke Lady Macbeth: Out damned spot! The dog named Spot: Ruff ruff ruff. [Exeunt/Leaves] Spot (Aside): Wow, I wonder why she hates me so much? I thought my bark was polite enough!"