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Joke of the Day

"There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod."

"And we're still calling it auto ""correct"" because...."

"My wife and I are working on our marriage. She's more attentive to my needs and I've mostly stopped telling other women I'm a single father."

"my gf is like x of sin(2x)=0 she's irrational when she's on her period"

"How is my penis like a dead midget? They're both a little stiff"

"So, what're all of us fortunate people complaining about today?"

"Why did the farmer win an award? because he was out-standing in his field"

"Me: sorry I can't go to the farmer's market with you. Allergies. Friend: pollen? Me: hipsters."

"Last week, I went to my doctor and told him I was constipated. He told me I was full of shit."

"My girlfriend says that I am snoopy. But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary."