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Joke of the Day

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used tampon and say yes im making tea!"

"He drove his car into a tree And found out how the Mercedes bends"

"My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car."

"It's strange isn't it, you stand in a library and go ""Aaaaaargh"" and everyone stares at you. Do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in."

"So I was having sex with a girl from work... She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us. Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue."

"It's always funny when the flight attendant says ""we know you have a choice of airlines"" as if free will exists."

"Blind dates are the best They don't even see me coming"

"I need you to be open with me... ...Said the gynecologist to the psychiatrist"

"Don't just assume I'm crazy. Let this wedding album I photoshopped you into speak for itself."

"Why didn't the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees."