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Joke of the Day

"Aren't you too fat to be this rude?"

"What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public? ""Get a womb, you two."""

"I can't wait to die.. and see what religion was correct"

"Why did the chicken cross the state line? He just had to get out of there because he heard that Kentucky fried chicken!"

"Have you seen the movie constipated? It hasn't come out yet."

"I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod."

"A cop stopped me and asked ""Do you know why I followed you "" so I said ""because my tweets are funny"" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail..."

"So when is this old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?"

"Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!"

"What do you call Mussolini's flying saucer? A dictator ship."