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Joke of the Day

"Well, well, well if it isn't the 5 lbs I thought I lost."

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"Two guys decided to rob a Calender from a Calender store They each got six months"
"Yo mama so old.. when she was young the hottest boygroup was Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John."
"Why did the suicidal chicken cross the road? To get to the other side"
"What do you call someone with a successful life? Certainly not me."
"Who's the coolest guy at the hospital? The ultra sound guy. Who's the coolest guy when he's not around? The hip replacement guy."
"I was reading about two ships that collided at sea. One was carrying red paint and the other blue paint and all the sailors were marooned."
"I just sent a text that says ""we really need to talk"" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today."
"My roommate gets angry when I steal their kitchen utensils It's a whisk I'm willing to take"
"What happens when a blonde wins a gold medal at the Olympics? She has it bronzed."