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Joke of the Day
"What's the most dangerous possession a gun nut will ever own? His car."
Next Joke
"Why did the rockstar turkey get kicked out of the concert? Because he tryptophan."
"What do Canadian women put behind their ears to attract men? Their ankles!"
"if you're happy and you know it... then the chemtrails are working Edit: credit to Welcome to Nightvale"
"[interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now"
"[sits family down at dinner table] I've decided we're going to start watching anime"
"Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory."
"Last night... ...as I was lying in bed, I looked up at the beautiful night sky, the beautiful moon, and the beautiful stars. Then I wondered: where the fuck is my roof?"
"[jail] INMATE: so what are ya in for? BIG BAD WOLF: well I huffed and I puffed and then I got nabbed for possession INMATE: goddam pigs"
"Apparently my girlfriend is a lot like JIRA... They're REALLY good for creating issues."