103323

Joke of the Day

"ME: I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song?"

"Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. 5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon."

"I'm having a hard time with not using sexual innuendos. But it's hard *So hard*"

"A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, ""I'm sorry, but we don't serve spirits here"""

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"How can you tell when you're in a bad strip club? It's not hard."

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"What's it called when you apologize using dots and dashes? Remorse code."

"The Westboro Babtist Church is planning to picket Reddit two days after their IAmA. No, seriously. http://www.godhatesfags.com/schedule.html"

"DON'T make this weird... (I whisper in your ear, as I pet your eyebrows)"