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Joke of the Day

"How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say 'Go back you didn't say 'May I?''"

"Coworker: ""How'd you get that cut above your eye?"" Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* ""STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"""

"WHATS A HIPPY?? THE THINGY WHERE YOUR LEGGIES HANG FROM"

"If you take the D out of Devil what do you get? the D"

"Hey you hear about that gay midget? Yeah, he came out of the cupbard."

"What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?... When ur done, u can drop her off anywhere."

"If you're upset about seeing a middle finger on TV, you're going to sh!t yourself when you see everything else going on in the world."

"What did the guy say when he found out that his wife's breast s had implants? ""THOSE ARE SILLY CONES"""

"What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ? A dandy lion !"

"ME: u know what they say, drink with one eye open WIFE: they don't say that, you're drunk ME: *closes other eye* it is very dark in here"