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Joke of the Day

"So I was talking to a feminist the other day... The trial is next week"

"You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?"

"Apparently, I've got Rationalitis. I wouldn't know if it weren't for the check-up; it's asymptotic."

"When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent! (Credit to the first dad who said this) EDIT: I fucked up the joke, thanks /u/Daviddddddd"

"a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line"

"The earthquake shortened Earth's day by 1.8 microseconds, so don't expect me to get everything done this week."

"Who's the nicest guy at the hospital? The ultrasound guy"

"If there's one thing children have taught me it's how to count down from 5 while pretending there's a huge consequence if I ever reach zero."

"Knock Knock... Who's there? Sean Bean. Sean Bean who? Oh that's right, you started watching after his character died. Works for pretty much anything Sean Bean is in except Sharpe."

"people who back up into parking spots are worse than serial killers"