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Joke of the Day

"The earthquake shortened Earth's day by 1.8 microseconds, so don't expect me to get everything done this week."

"My number one rule to live by is: Don't die."

"Kanye West demanded everyone to stand while giving a eulogy, didn't go through with it because Some asshole in a coffin didn't feel like standing."

"I requested the number 867-5309 from my cellular provider because I like being annoyed to the point of rage."

"I don't think Nyquil knows what cherries taste like!"

"What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland ? The Loch Ness Elephant !"

"Texting was a great solution to talking. But now replying to texts is exhausting so I'm done with all communication I guess."

"I keep wanting to make a BDSM joke... ... but I keep getting tied up in the punchline."

"What did the black student get on his SATs? Barbecue sauce"

"When did Anakin's Jedi Master know he was turning to the dark side? In the Sith grade."