163627

Joke of the Day

"i want the first line of my obituary to be about how i once used an umbrella three different times before losing it"

"Whats the difference between a bdsm slavegirl, and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking if you slap it."

"If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who's president."

"I wasn't happy getting A,B and C in my results today. Having three types of Hepatitis is almost unheard of."

"Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on."

"What does ever horse and rider do at the same time? Grow old!"

"Garbanzo beans vs chickpeas I used to to not know the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea. But last night I definitely didn't have a garbanzo on my face."

"Me: I baked cookies! Who's the best Mom ever? Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See? Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!"

"Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life. For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire."

"One month of nofap here i pun! *Cum"