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Joke of the Day

"Is this the Alcoholics helpline? Operator: ""Yes."" Caller: ""Can you tell me how to make Sangria?"""

"What do Mexican and Black people have in common? Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal."

"Asked my toddler if she'd work on being more careful when eating in her car seat. Her response was an immediate ""No."" At least she's honest."

"USERS: you're alienating the people who actually use your product TWITTER: likes are now florps USERS: what TWITTER: timeline goes sideways"

"If storks bring babies, what kind of bird doesn't bring any babies? A swollow."

"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."

"What is it called when the police work overtime? Copper Nitrate."

"Didn't Pull Out 3 year ago I dont Always wake up at 4 AM on Saturday....!!!!!!!!! But When i Do....it because i forgot to pull out on time 3 years ago"

"What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common? They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen."

"The only time that I get sucked in bed is when there's a mosquito in the room."