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Joke of the Day

"Alarm company: We need your emergency contact info. Me: (eating chips) My dog doesn't have a cell phone."

"Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a ""tight end"""

"Brobbits before Hobbits"

"9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."

"A fish swam into a wall... Dam."

"Whenever I'm depressed, I go to the roof at night, watch the view, reminisce, look at the stars and be touched by the lord.... ..the land lord.."

"CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice"

"Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a ""clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend"" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM"

"What did the Calvinist say after he fell down the stairs? ""Well, glad I got that over with."""

"All parents should give corporal punishment to their kids. You don't want the white kid to feel left out at school, when everyone is telling the ass whooping they got last night."