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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm depressed, I go to the roof at night, watch the view, reminisce, look at the stars and be touched by the lord.... ..the land lord.."

"he literally just said, ""everyone's saying i won the debate."" is it possible...hear me out...trump has an imaginary friend named Everyone?"

"My girlfriend is like my iPad i don't have an iPad."

"A man goes to the bar And he asks the bar tender Man: ""What taste good? Tender: I usually like rum in Diet Coke. Man: how do you get a Roman in a Diet Coke? Tender: *facepalm*"

"What is the point of owning a fish? They are just furniture with the ability to die."

"Suicide Bombers...... What makes them tick?"

"What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern? Pumpkin pie!"

"What do you call a sharp witted man, that knows many languages, and is skilled at giving oral? A cunning linguist."

"The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... ... and doesn't"