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Joke of the Day

"ROOMMATE: While I'm away, can you get some mice to feed my pet snake? ME: Sure [later] ME [to mice] Come on fellas, pls just cook something"

"Dear Apple: When I want to say ""fuck"" & ""shit"" I don't want to say ""duck"" & ""shot"". So duck the iPhone! Oh, shot!"

"We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch. I was naked. She was afraid. I guess I should have probably introduced myself first."

"When I see Scary Spice now I can't help but think our fear threshold was much lower in the mid-90s"

"I went to see a night of XXX short films! Imagine my disappointment when it was just 30 Roman movies."

"My mother always said, ""Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your maid."" When I went to college the dorm had a maid who told us, ""Pick your clothes up off the floor, I'm not your mother."""

"What do women and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"*Smashes the Sony *Destroys the Panasonic *Pummels the Kenwood *Rips apart the Pioneer ~breaking all stereotypes"

"Science Jokes Thread on AskReddit! For your amusement: http://en.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1auxsf/what_are_some_funny_scientific_jokes_that_you_know/"

"What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose"