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Joke of the Day

"[shows up late for first day of new job] *blames it on rush hour* [shows up late for second day of new job] *blames it on rush hour 2*"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month."

"What do you call a psychic who is neither elated or depressed A happy medium"

"What do you call a dog who does magic tricks? A labracadabrador"

"My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends."

"So much negative, Wars, terrorism, climate disruption, political corruption.......Kardashians........ At least Charlie Sheen is positive."

"There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family"

"What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummi bear."

"the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials"

"What's the favorite whiskey of Unidan? Jackdaw Niel's"