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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I'm trying to do shit and I have a wife"

"Kids today don't know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video."

"Police Officer: Do you speak English? Jose: Yes. Police Officer: Where are you from? Jose: Yes"

"I gave my girlfriend a picture of me for her birthday It was a gif."

"If You're Having Vocal Problems... ...I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems, but my pitch ain't one. I apologize in advance."

"There are going to be a lot of drunk mosquitos tonight."

"Please be more careful with your tacos. I just found them in my mouth."

"My phone tried to auto-correct ""f*cking"" to ""f*ck king,"" and I was like hell yeah I am."

"Today a feminist asked me 'how I view lesbian relationships?' Apparently in HD wasn't the right answer.."

"What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line? A full set of teeth"