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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the lesbian with no arms? She couldn't hold her licker."

"Hair Stylist: What are we doing today? Me: Let's do something that will look great here but I'll have no chance of replicating at home"

"Not Your Father's Root Beer Me: Hey dad. Is this yours? Dad: No."

"What do you call a gay Frenchman? A faguette. (Sorry if offensive)"

"I like my women just like my wine... 14 years old and locked up in the basement."

"What do you get when you have rough sex in an ice cream parlour? A sore bae."

"Hey Target, it's Mid October, calm the fcuk down!-Santa"

"My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg."

"My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away. That's a bit far-fetched."

"Detective: someone's been stealing boats, can we look in your basement? Me: I don't have a basement *sound of foghorn from basement*"