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Joke of the Day

"Do you have any naked pictures of your girlfriend on your phone??? No?? Want me to send some to you?"

"Who lost the American Presidential Debate? America."

"I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons."

"What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key."

"Turns out Danny Devito isn't so short after all... ...just found out the figurines on his parents' wedding cake were actual size."

"What's the definition of trust? Two cannibals blowing each other."

"Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks."

"When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyonce Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She'd just show up one day like ""I work here now."""

"You know how sometimes... You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you? Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist."

"Why didn't Hitler drink tequila? Because it made him mean."