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Joke of the Day

"I stayed at my girlfriends house the other day but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together Which was a shame because he's really fit"

"I'm not addicted to cocain I just love how it smells"

"Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory? Alike did was stand around making faces."

"Why was the broom late? Because it overswept."

"How did the hipster burn his hand? He was into lightbulbs before they were cool."

"There is a new drink at my bar. It's called a Sandy. It's basically a watered down Manhattan."

"why are flies the biggest troll? they only live for three days, and spend it fucking with you"

"""Your generation relies too much on technology"", my grandpa said. ""No, your generation relies too much on technology"", I replied, then I unplugged his life support."

"""MY HERO!"" ""My hero."" --Guy who got his sandwich stolen, then saved by a stranger"

"i once heard that in the old days, you received a last name based on your profession. if so, what the hell was John Hancock's career?"