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Joke of the Day

"There are two reasons I don't give money to the homeless 1. They use it for drugs and alcohol. 2. I need it for drugs and alcohol."

"What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller."

"From my 7-year-old: What type of phone does a hawk use? A hawkie talkie."

"A midget walks into a bar I guess it was set too low"

"Nightmare scenario: a man with the confidence of Pitbull and the talent level of Pitbull."

"How did the hipster break his neck? He jump off the diving board before it was pool."

"What do you call a Mexican girl who loves to sleep around? A Burrithoe"

"I like to stop at the UPS store late at night and leave little notes on their door letting them know I stopped by but they weren't open."

"Roses are red... Violets are glorious. I wouldn't surprise Oscar Pistorius."

"If you're behind someone at an ATM, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck."