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Joke of the Day

"Time Machine I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore."

"Nephew: Really?! Me: Yup! Go for it! N: *runs into wall* Me: *takes pic* N: *wakes up* Am I at Hogwarts? Me: No, we'll try again later."

"If I hold one moth ball in my right hand and another moth ball in my left, what do I have? A bloody big moth!"

"An old lady at the ATM asked me to help check her balance So I pushed her over."

"A kid has cancer Then he gets AIDS from his mom"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lic-Alot-O-Puss"

"Today is National 'Secure a rich lover' Day Mate wealth, 2016."

"Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job."

"WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack he was wearing your perfume"

"A smile every mile will get you further faster but if that doesn't work, carjacking does."