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Joke of the Day

"I tried smuggling child porn across the border once.... and i would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those fucking kids!"

"Tighty-whities are like cheap hotels No ballroom."

"HOLY SHIT I JUST CORRECTLY GUESSED A WIFI PASSWORD AM I JESUS?"

"What is hairy on the outside, wet and fleshy on the inside, begins with C and ends with T, and has both a U and a N in it? Coconut"

"You tell one kid there's candy inside an electrical outlet that can only be retrieved with a fork and you're never asked to babysit again"

"What do you call a flying bus? Bus Lightyear..."

"I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics... But graphing is where I draw the line!"

"I asked a chick I met where the white women at? She told me they are at Old Navy."

"Just slammed 12 wheatgrass shots now everyone at Whole Foods is trying to take my keys"

"Accidentally fell asleep at my grandmas funeral Wouldn't you know, I woke up with mourningwood."