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Joke of the Day

"A Sausage and an egg in a frying pan. Sausage says: 'It's hot in here.' Egg replies: 'A talking sausage!'"

"Typical day Just saw Denzel Washington on the street and said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver? The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green"

"A very wealthy man from Britain has purchased the Bates Motel.... Now it is Master Bates Motel.. I haven't had my coffee yet, this is the best I got"

"They say I have a drinking problem. All I have been trying to do is drain the liquor down the toilet. Through my body."

"Me: I'm a scorpion. Date: You mean scorpio? Me: (clicking my claws together) No I very do not."

"Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things."

"A night-shift nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and says... ""Oh damn it, some asshole has my pen!"""

"Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people."

"ME: I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song?"