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Joke of the Day

"A very wealthy man from Britain has purchased the Bates Motel.... Now it is Master Bates Motel.. I haven't had my coffee yet, this is the best I got"

"if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin"

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroking Off!"

"[whispers to you at my own funeral] ok don't freak out"

"How do you convert Spanish programming into English? Yes++"

"What's the hardest part about skydiving? The ground."

"The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me."

"I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for beastiality... Then I realized I was just beating a dead horse."

"I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so."

"Where do Italian gangsters come from? The spaghetto"