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Joke of the Day

"We're sneaking a couple 40s into Toy Story 3. We'll be the ones howling in the back anytime someone says, ""Woody."""

"Not having tattoos is suddenly a great way to express your individuality."

"A Jewish boy asks his father: ""Father, can I please borrow 50 dollars?"" The father replies: ""40 dollars! What on earth do you need 30 dollars for!?"""

"As a child I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog. Courtesy of Gary Delaney"

"So, It's not ok to write ""always best to have a spare incase you break the first one"" on facebook, when someone announces a second pregnancy"

"Girls hate it when you give them Christmas presents with an implied expectation, like an iron, a food processor, or knee pads."

"Jimmy: What has 100 legs but can't walk? Johnny: 50 pairs of pants? Jimmy: No, A centipede. Jhonny: What? why? Jimmy: Because I squished it"

"Would you give a blowjob for a million dollars? Yes? Can I get a dollar's worth?"

"Britain's got pretty racist since the referendum; I was behind a Latvian couple in Tesco yesterday and the lady behind the checkout asked if they wanted any help packing..."

"How do you call a robber in a suit of armor? A thief in the knight"