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Joke of the Day

"We're sneaking a couple 40s into Toy Story 3. We'll be the ones howling in the back anytime someone says, ""Woody."""

"[Tim Burton tries baseball] COACH [rubs eyes]Got it now T: Yes C: Ok. Pitch T: A dark haunted tale starring Johnny De- C: I'm gonna kill him"

"Almost 65% of statistics are made up. The other half are lies."

"Shortest joke I know. Dwarf shortage."

"I was fired from my job in the pasta factory. I made a fusilli errors."

"Pharmacists should stuff every third prescription bottle with one of those snakes that pops out at you... cuz laughter is the best medicine."

"I'm starting a combination Frozen Yogurt shop and news stand.. It will be called Froyo Information."

"This person told me ""When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"" Alas, swine flu."

"What is the difference between snowman and snowwoman? snowballs"

"A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"""