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Joke of the Day

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I'm ok with a 5km but really don't like 10km."

"*shows up at ur door holding a bouquet of flowers with all the petals ripped off* hi, i brought u som flowers that told me u love me"

"[about to see a boob for the first time] ""ok, play it cool, play it cool. don't say anything stupid"" [girl removes bra] ""whoopeeee"""

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'"

"A talking penguin walked into a bar and the bar tender said: ""Hey, we don't usually get a lot of talking penguins."" And the penguin responded: ""Well, no wonder - at these prices!"""

"How do Southerners get through customs so quickly? They do declare!"

"So what if I can t spell Armageddan It s not the end of the world."

"I bet the first mohawk was created by a guy trying to even out his sideburns."

"Does the 5-second rule still apply in the Men's bathroom at Target? I'm pretty commited to this pretzel, if it matters."