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Joke of the Day

"I asked ny blind friend to read braille for me I guess every lego spells out ""fuck you dude""."

"Twins Yesterday, I was hanging out with my girlfriend when her identical twin sister walked by. Then my girlfriend asked me, ""Do you think my sister is pretty?"""

"Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash. Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home. I'm bleeding. Call 911"

"How do you call a lesbian, black, Canadian woman? With a phone."

"Exclamation point rules ! - good !! - excited !!! - awesome !!!! - starting to get creepy !!!!! - cheerleader creepy !!!!!! - own 20 cats"

"When I found out Top Gear was being cancelled... I was so shocked it was like a punch in the face."

"Being with a whore.... Is like sitting on a warm toilet seat. You didn't see the last guy leave, but you know someone was just there."

"I like my women like I like my viruses. Safely contained on my laptop."

"How do jewish people like their foreskins? [removed]"

"On Thursday, the captain of the crashed cruise ship Costa Concordia went back to the wreck for the first time since the accident. Said the captain, ""It looks so different sober."""