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Joke of the Day
"So far it's been an, ""I look okay enough to go to Walmart but not to go to Target"" kind of day."
Next Joke
"When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous."
"My husband is turning 58 tomorrow. Join me wishing him ""Jesus, you're how old?"""
"Politics... ..."
"As an American, the moment I stop feeling full is the perfect time for a light snack. Or maybe a whole cheesecake or dozen donuts. Whatever."
"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"
"Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker That's an oxidant waiting to happen."
"I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish"
"Overheard at work: ""that is music to my ears"". Where else would the music go smartypants?"
"PATIENT: I've been so stressed out lately. What can I do? DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress"