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Joke of the Day

"If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily."

"One I made up..... What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle? A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh."

"THERAPIST: how do you feel ME: with my hands THERAPIST: no, like on the inside ME: ohhh...idk probably kinda squishy and weird"

"Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up"

"""You think only God can judge you?"" *Judge Judy spins around in chair to face you* ""Well THINK AGAIN!"" *bangs gavel so hard it breaks*"

"So I wanted to make a YouTube channel about Reddit... They wouldn't let me name it RedTube."

"[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne"

"Knock. Knock. Oh. Hang on a minute..... I haven't thought this through.."

"What do you call money you pay prostitutes? Headquarters"

"Who has two thumbs and a concealed identity? Disguise!"