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Joke of the Day

"When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts."

"Some guy jumped me in the alley...! Yeah he was so nice. My battery had run out because I left my lights on!"

"A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: ""You must be single."" The man answers: ""Wow, how did you know?"" Cashier: ""Because you're ugly."""

"What do ISIS and cats have in common? They're both a bunch of pussies. Credit to Stephen Colbert."

"Sorry Im late, I was staring at a wall for an hour thinkin about how delicious that pizza looked on Home Alone 2 when Kevin got in the limo."

"A guy in Hawaii survived a shark attack while surfing by punching the shark in the face and I get scared to take a shower if I see a spider."

"""I had to keep a straight face."" -my bi friend who's in the closet."

"A pet hedgehog. Because you don't have enough pricks in your life."

"How do single people honor valentine's day? By Celibating!"

"What kind of STD does a bird get? Chirpies. :-)"