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Joke of the Day

"""May your old acquaintances be forgotten and never brought to mind."" -Sir Smirnoff"

"Why did the feminist burn down the field of canola? She said she was defending herself against rape."

"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"

"Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook? Because he only had followers. Not friends."

"People whose TL is only quotes from famous people---You do realize you're not a desk calendar, right?"

"How many dads does it take to change a light bulb? Asking because it's been a week and mine still hasn't."

"why didn't jimmy drive the tractor? Because he had no legs. Why didn't he have any legs? Because he was a potato."

"There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't"

"Why are pills white instead of black? Because you want them to work don't you?"

"Let's make a deal. You sing Christmas music in the office and I'll leave 5 minutes early to let the air out of your tires. Deal?"